You Can't Hit Snooze When Phil Collins Is In Your Head!!

Dear Blog-

This morning I woke up to the sounds of Phil Collins. These sounds weren't on my radio alarm clock... THEY WERE IN MY FUCKING HEAD!! I know what you're thinking... What songs, jme? ALL OF 'EM!! Another Day In Paradise, This Must Be Love, I Missed Again, I Don't Care Anymore, You Can't Hurry Love, Easy Lover, Against All Odds, One More Night, and Sussudio!!

hgfyukyub uftyr568t76iyio huir5erdopi yugtyir56g jkty5 jykg7656tf gktr7667gyuojh g76r78 utf7r7uio tyfrerrud!!

I should've called in sick!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Seriously... Sussudio?!?!?!?!

WOTW

Dear Blog-

I know I haven't done a WOTW in a while... but I'm doing one now!! And you're all lucky... 'cuz I made this word up... so you won't find it in your dictionary... but maybe I'll post it on urbandictionary.com later.

Redlightenment
noun

When you are stuck at a red light and the car in front of you enlightens you with their bullshit bumper stickers.

This week... instead of using it in a sentence... I'm gonna just redlighten you with a few:

Okay... I'm gonna throw-up now. If any of my readers (Jenn, Jill, Eric, Jim, Jace, or Bry) are redlightened by an interesting bumper sticker... please share it with me.

Your pal,

jme

Novel Recommendation

Dear Blog-

I would like to recommend a novel for everyone to read. It's called... Push: Based on the movie "Precious" by Lee Daniels.

Your pal,

jme

V-Day

Dear Blog-

Erin gave me a Build-Your-Own-Monster-Valentine. If we get married... her name would be Erin Guerin.

Your pal,


jme

Porn star says Tiger impregnated her twice

Dear Blog-

Porn star says Tiger impregnated her twice

WTF?!?!? Oh... it's about Tiger Woods. I was hoping it was about a real tiger fucking a porn star... now that I would watch!!

Your pal,

jme

I'm A Saint!!

Dear Blog-

A new book (Why He's a Saint) is being published with accounts that Pope John Paul II used to whip himself with a belt and would sleep on the floor as acts of penitence.

Penitence? Do you know what I call it when I whip myself with a belt and sleep on the floor? Friday night!! And if I'm really naughty... I deprive myself of food and water... then I sleep with fat-disease-infested women. HHMMM... I guess I am a Saint!!

Your saintly pal,

jme

P. S. I wonder if the pope ever dressed up as a woman... tucked it under... and grinded up on under-age boys at a rave? I'm just sayin'... we might have more in common than I thought!!

P. P. S. What am I thinking? Of course he did... he's Catholic!!

Spring Break

Dear Blog-

I am planning my spring break vacation. Where is prostitution legal?

Your pal,

jme