Century Mark

Dear Blog-

It was recently brought to my attention that my blog has passed the "century mark." What does this mean? Well, I'm glad you asked. It means that I have over 100 readers!! WHEE!!

First, I want to point out (to you, Jill) that I used the verb "brought" to describe the means in which I discovered the century mark. The reason I used the word "brought" is because... even I don't read this s2pid thing!!

Second, (yes!!) I need to thank Jilligan times about 97 for reading, editing, and posting my blog. HHMMM... I guess I might also need to thank my other three readers... who I am sure found this by mistake. Well... anyway... I hope I'm your favorite mistake.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Fuck you Warren Beatty. You're the worst mistake ever!! Your father should have pulled out!!

Two-For-Tuesday!!

Dear Blog-

Today is going to be the greatest day... EVER!! Why? Well I'm glad you asked!! First, on my way to work I heard a "Two-For-Tuesday-Rock-Block" of Huey Lewis and the News. You know what? Huey was right! The Heart of Rock-n-Roll is in Cleveland. WHEE!!

I know what you're thinking, "jme... can your day get any better?" Why... yes it can!! The radio station continued to do a 'Two-For-Tuesday-Rock-Block' of Billy Squier, Twisted Sister, Quiet Riot, Skid Row, Cinderella, Poison, Warrant, White Lion, En Vogue, Winger, Trixter, Mariah Carey, Thin Lizzy, REO Speedwagon, Musical Youth, Ratt, Enya, Motley Crue, Def Leppard, The Spin Doctors, Falco, Mike & The Mechanics, Sinead O'Connor, Tiffany, Whitesnake, The Hooters, Richard Marx, Color Me Badd, Celine Dion, Jamiroquai, The Alan Parsons Project, L. A. Guns, Debbie Gibson, Van Halen (with Gary Cherone!!) Howard Jones, Oingo Boingo, Aha, Yngwie Malmsteen, The Village People, Wall of Voodoo, Frank Stallone, Hilary Duff, Latoya Jackson, Air Supply, Wang Chung, Wheatus, Supertramp, Vanilla Ice, Starship, Lionel Richie, Kenny G, John Tesh, Michael Bolton, Ace of Base, Foreigner, and Bryan Adams!!

I know what you're thinking, "jme... do you have a 12 hour commute to work every morning?" No... I don't!! But lucky for me there was a horrendous accident on the I-17 this morning. Cars were over-turned!! People were on fire!! At one point it started raining frogs!! It was awesome and the DJ just kept playing the best music EVER!! Lucky for me... I got to work just on time. Well not really... I was 4 1/2 hours late. But when I got there the DJ said... "Coming up we've got another 'Two-For-Tuesday-Rock-Block' of The Smashing Pumpkins, The Who, Dragonfly Jones, The Doors, Joy Division, The Kinks, Neil Young, Rolling Stones, Sonic Youth, Talking Heads, Rage Against the Machine, Simon & Garfunkel, The Sex Pistols, The Pixies, Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, The Velvet Underground, The Clash, The Cure, Prince, David Bowie, Jane's Addiction, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles and R.E.M."

God... who wants to hear that crap?!?!? The only thing that could make this day any better is if Warren Beatty was in that car crash. WHEE!!

Your pal,

jme

Favorite Power Ranger

Dear Blog-

I think my favorite Power Ranger is the Blue one. It could definitely kick Warren Beatty's ass!!

Your pal,

jme

Dreams Times Two!!

Dear Blog-

I don't wanna give up on my dreams.

Your pal,

jme

Bed Time Snack

Dear Blog-

Last night I dreamt of monkeys eating tacos. What do you think Ziggy Freud would think of this? HHMMM... could it be that Warren Beatty's hairy chest looks like ground beef... and that I really like monkeys? I'm just sayin'!!

Your pal,

jme

I'm Sorry...

Dear Blog-

I lied to you. I've been eating eggs.

I hope I'm still your pal,

jme

Taxes

Dear Blog-

I just finished my taxes. It was awesome! I should have done it a long time ago. Why did I wait so long?!?!?!? I really enjoy doing them. I feel so appreciated now. I can't wait to do them again!!

I wonder if Warren Beatty has people to do his taxes for him? I like doing them by myself... but I guess a little help wouldn't be so bad. Fuck you Warren Beatty... and all your people!!

your pal,

jme

Almonds

Dear Blog-

Yesterday I bought some almonds. One of them looked like Warren Beatty. Then I got a strange craving for raw oysters.

Your pal,

jme

People Who Can Kick W.B.'s Ass

Dear Blog-

So this morning I woke up and thought... If Yoda lost all of his Force-like powers... could he still kick Warren Beatty's ass? Well, the answer is still obviously... YES!! Here is a list of others that could kick his ass...

Corey Feldman, the dog in the Taco Bell commercials, Martha Stewart, Uncle Jesse, Colonel Sanders, Prince Charles, Mr. Rogers, Paul Reuben, Chaka Kahn, Kermit the Frog, Buckwheat, the old lady in "Throw Momma From the Train", any old lady, Alfalfa, Stevie Wonder, men with highlights in their hair, Mo, the kid with glasses in "Jerry McGuire", Screech, The Keebler Elf, The Rice Krispie guys (what are they anyway?), men who drive Volkswagen Rabbits, Dr. Seuss, the two old guys in the Muppets, any muppet, Mr. Glass from “Unbreakable,” Mini-Me, the Beaver, Gilligan, Shaggy, Mary Kate and Ashley from their Full House days, Mary Kate and Ashley in their anorexic days, Nora Roberts, the little girl from "Little Miss Sunshine", Obama's little girls, any little girl, Tom Cruise in an eyepatch and Stephen Hawking.

Your pal,

jme