Dear Blog-
Apparently... I can already visualize the duct-tape over your mouth... isn't a good pick-up line. Can any of my readers help me out with a better one?
Your pal,
jme
Dear Blog-
Apparently... I can already visualize the duct-tape over your mouth... isn't a good pick-up line. Can any of my readers help me out with a better one?
Your pal,
jme
Dear Blog-
It's 9:30 in the morning... and I haven't eaten any meat yet!! I'm so vegetarian!!
Your pal,
jme
P. S. Unfortunately... I did run over 3 cats and 2 dogs on my drive to work this morning... but I only eat those when I'm in Mexico.
Dear Blog-
Corey Feldman's wife has just filed for divorce. WHAT?!?!? IS SHE KR@ZY?!?!? How could anyone NOT love bad boy C-Feld? Do I need to remind her that he starred in such classic films such as Goonies, Stand By Me, and The Lost Boys... and was Michael Jackson's BFF for about 3 months in 1987?!?!? He's an awesome actor AND a huge sexxx symbol!! Does Susannah Feldman think she can do better? She'd be lucky to get Warren Beatty.
Your pal Corey,
jme
Dear Blog-
I am a cesspool of recessive genes.
Your pal,
jme
P. S. Fuck Warren Beatty and his dominant genes!!
Dear Blog-
Rose! You're so stupid. Why did you do that, huh? You're so stupid, Rose. Why did you do that? Why?
Your pal,
jme
Dear Blog-
A friend tricked me into swallowing some white creamy stuff last night. I know what you're thinking... and the answer is yes... like a good little boy... I got it all down!! How did it happen? Well I'm glad you asked... here's a recap of last night.
My friend said... open your mouth... you don't have to put the whole thing in if you don't want to... and before I knew it... there was white creamy stuff everywhere in my mouth. I recognized the taste from when I was a kid and spent the weekend at bible camp with Father McMahon. It was gross... that mother-fucker put mayonnaise on everything!!
Anyway... I swallowed sushi with "secret-sauce" all down like a good little boy... then I went home and brushed my teeth about a zillion times. I didn't like it... but I want my friend to like me... so I guess I would do it again.
Your pal,
jme
P. S. Does anyone else have a similar story like this that they can share?
Dear Blog-
The word of the week is...
;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
I'm not really sure if it's a noun... verb... adjective... it doesn't end in "LY"... so I guess we can rule out adverb... anyway... here's the definition:
What I say to myself when I get really pissed off.
Okay... now let's use it in a sentence.
1. When my mom threw away my best porno-mag... all I could think was
;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
2. When it's still 100 degrees in October... all I can think is
;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
3. When no one will go roller-skating with me... all I can think is
;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
4. When no one will go karaoking with me... all I can think is
;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
5. When I can't be Stephen Hawking for Halloween... because the wheelchair at the Pawn Shoppe was $800... all I could think was ;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
Okay... I need to breathe. Deep breaths....
How about we try something new this week? Since you can't technically say this word this week... how about you (my reader) leave me a comment about what really gets you angry. This could be educational for all of us. I could learn a little bit more about my reader/s and maybe I could help you by blogging about those very things.
Your pal,
jme
P. S. When I think of Warren Beatty... all I can think is ;kljsdfkjhfiurhjdfnvjkndfjn dfonfdonvorje98ron549 834ui4of589yt 943h9843ytng h9845y9t85ut5jh5498u549 855998uy548439t854!!
Dear Blog-
I still need to lose 5 lbs. before I can fit into my skinny jeans!! DAMN YOU, WATER WEIGHT!!
Your bloated pal,
jme
Dear Blog-
The word of the week is...
helicopter
verb
When naked, a male moves up and down in a hula hoop motion, which causes the flaccid wiener-ma-bob to spin like a propeller. This act, although mainly done by children, is also enjoyed by many men and their female audiences.
Dear Blog-
Everyone is making a big deal about President Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Some like it... some don't... some people like Warren Beatty... and some people like anal bleaching. Guess what? I don't care!! When he wins the Nobel Prize in... ECONOMICS... then I will care!!
Your broke-ass pal,
jme