Robot Movies

Dear Blog-

I haven't seen any good robot movies lately.

Your pal,

jme

Goonies II

Dear Blog-

It's finally gonna happen... Goonies Part Deux!! How do I know? Well I'm glad you asked... cuz Corey Feldman said so!!

http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272635944.shtml

I know what you're thinking... how is C-Feld gonna find the time in his busy schedule to make another Stephen Spielberg film? Or maybe... how is Stephen Spielberg gonna be able to get C-Feld to sign on the dotted line? I personally don't think it can happen... but if Johnny Depp is gonna get $60 million for the next Pirates movie... I'm guessing C-Feld is gonna make at least $120 million!! Don't try and low-ball him Stephen... he's worth every penny!! COREY FELDMAN RULES!!

Your pal,

jme

Man-Up!!

Dear Blog-

It turns out Warren Beatty's daughter is going to have a sex change operation.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/06/18/2010-06-18_warren_beatty_and_annette_benings_teenage_daughter_kathlyn_plans_to_have_a_sex_c.html

Anyway... go for it Kathlyn Elizabeth Stephen Ira Beatty... or whatever your name is!! You are already more man than your father ever will be!!

Your pal,

jme

5 Stars?

Dear Blog-

I saw Inception last night. It received 5 stars... and was 2 1/2 hours long. I'm calling shenanigans!! If a movie is going to receive 5 stars... it better show me at least 3 boobies... especially if it's 2 1/2 hours long!! I mean Titanic showed me boobies... and even sketches of prostitute/amputee boobies!! Now that's a 5 star movie. I'm just sayin' Leo... you kinda let me down in this one.

Your pal,

jme

Donovan vs. Screech

Dear Blog-

I keep waking up early to watch The World Cup... but TNT runs back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of Saved By The Bell at that time. Saved By The Bell... THE COLLEGE YEARS!! Anyway... who would you rather do... Screech or Donovan?

Screech:

Donovan:

Please vote over on the left.

Your pal,

jme

Boy's-Nite-Out

Dear Blog-

I'm thinking of having a "Guys-Nite-Out!" So... who's up for a little Twilight?

Your pal,

jme

You're All Invited!!

Dear Blog-

I'm having a Passion Of The Christ movie marathon this weekend... and you're all invited!! I'll start it at midnight tonight (Good Friday)... and it will run on a loop until Sunday morning at 6:00... that way everyone will be ready for the 6:30 am Easter Sunday Mass!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Please show up as your favorite biblical character... so we can reenact Jesus' crucifixion!!

CC-HTTM

Dear Blog-

Thank you, Cesar Chavez... because of you... I didn't have to go to work today... and I was able to see Hot Tub Time Machine... AGAIN!! Greatest. Movie. Ever. It's so witty and complex... that I don't know if my summation of the movie can do it justice? Let's see... it's about a hot tub... that is also a time machine. HHMMM... I guess it wasn't that hard to explain after all!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I wanna see the prequel to HTTM... you know... the one where 4 guys decide that it's a good idea to go hot tubbing together!!

New Year's Resolution

Dear Blog-

I know it's March... but I finally decided on a New Year's Resolution. For 2010... I'm only buying clothes that... glow in the dark.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. So if I die this year... make sure you wear sunglasses to my FUNeral.

Corey Feldman Poll

Dear Blog-

It's time I learn a little bit about my readers... and have you vote for...

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE COREY FELDMAN CHARACTER!!

Your choices are:

Stand By Me... Corey

Lost Boys... Corey
Goonies... Corey
Dream A Little Dream... Corey
The Burbs... Corey
Michael Jackson... Corey
Please use the voting buttons on the left. Thank you for taking the time and voting in this scientific poll!!

Your pal,

jme

You Can't Hit Snooze When Phil Collins Is In Your Head!!

Dear Blog-

This morning I woke up to the sounds of Phil Collins. These sounds weren't on my radio alarm clock... THEY WERE IN MY FUCKING HEAD!! I know what you're thinking... What songs, jme? ALL OF 'EM!! Another Day In Paradise, This Must Be Love, I Missed Again, I Don't Care Anymore, You Can't Hurry Love, Easy Lover, Against All Odds, One More Night, and Sussudio!!

hgfyukyub uftyr568t76iyio huir5erdopi yugtyir56g jkty5 jykg7656tf gktr7667gyuojh g76r78 utf7r7uio tyfrerrud!!

I should've called in sick!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Seriously... Sussudio?!?!?!?!

WOTW

Dear Blog-

I know I haven't done a WOTW in a while... but I'm doing one now!! And you're all lucky... 'cuz I made this word up... so you won't find it in your dictionary... but maybe I'll post it on urbandictionary.com later.

Redlightenment
noun

When you are stuck at a red light and the car in front of you enlightens you with their bullshit bumper stickers.

This week... instead of using it in a sentence... I'm gonna just redlighten you with a few:

Okay... I'm gonna throw-up now. If any of my readers (Jenn, Jill, Eric, Jim, Jace, or Bry) are redlightened by an interesting bumper sticker... please share it with me.

Your pal,

jme

Novel Recommendation

Dear Blog-

I would like to recommend a novel for everyone to read. It's called... Push: Based on the movie "Precious" by Lee Daniels.

Your pal,

jme

V-Day

Dear Blog-

Erin gave me a Build-Your-Own-Monster-Valentine. If we get married... her name would be Erin Guerin.

Your pal,


jme

Porn star says Tiger impregnated her twice

Dear Blog-

Porn star says Tiger impregnated her twice

WTF?!?!? Oh... it's about Tiger Woods. I was hoping it was about a real tiger fucking a porn star... now that I would watch!!

Your pal,

jme

I'm A Saint!!

Dear Blog-

A new book (Why He's a Saint) is being published with accounts that Pope John Paul II used to whip himself with a belt and would sleep on the floor as acts of penitence.

Penitence? Do you know what I call it when I whip myself with a belt and sleep on the floor? Friday night!! And if I'm really naughty... I deprive myself of food and water... then I sleep with fat-disease-infested women. HHMMM... I guess I am a Saint!!

Your saintly pal,

jme

P. S. I wonder if the pope ever dressed up as a woman... tucked it under... and grinded up on under-age boys at a rave? I'm just sayin'... we might have more in common than I thought!!

P. P. S. What am I thinking? Of course he did... he's Catholic!!

Spring Break

Dear Blog-

I am planning my spring break vacation. Where is prostitution legal?

Your pal,

jme

Say What?

Dear Blog-

Kreese: Sweep the leg.
(Johnny stares at him in shock)
Kreese: Do you have a problem with that?
Johnny Lawrence: No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. In case you feel like dancing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlpgx4rtsKs

Things

Dear Blog-

I like things that float.

Your pal,

jme

?

Dear Blog-

Why did Marcie always call Peppermint Patty... sir? And why did Peppermint Patty refer to Charlie Brown as... Chuck? What was the deal with Linus and his blanket... and what did Sally see in him? I mean every Halloween she would follow him to the pumpkin-patch... and he never even got his jack-o-lantern on. I wonder if Schroeder ever gave Lucy a 2-fingered cul-de-sac? I mean... he did have magical fingers!! Was Franklin pissed at being a stereotype? I bet Pig-Pen fathered about 12 kids and has at least 6 STD's. HHMMM... I wonder if he's got a sister?

Your pal,

jme

Broadway

Dear Blog-

I'm writing a play. Here's a snippet for my reader...

Woody: Come on... just kiss the tip!!

Soon Yi: Okay... just put the camera down... and don't tell my mom, pappa-san.

Your pal,

jme

Warren Beatty... Spreading the Love

Dear Blog-

Apparently there is a new book coming out... a biography on Warren Beatty. Who would want to read that?? No one...not when you can still read Twilight!! Team Warren sucks!!

Anyway...this book claims that Warren Beatty has slept with 13,000 women. What does this mean? It means Warren Beatty has given 13,000 women... herpes, chlamydia, donovanosis, calymmatobacterium, granuloma inguinale, gonorrhea, lymphoganuloma venereum, syphilis, vaginitis, pubic lice, cytomegalovirus, hepatitis A/B/C, genital warts, molluscum contagiosum, nongonococcal urethritis, chancroid and athlete's foot... don't even ask about the last one!! The only known cure for WBAF is amputation... at the knee!!

God I hate you... you should go and have sex with yourself... in other words... FUCK OFF!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I'd like to look at his "black book"... but I think the youngest girl in it is 64 years old!!