I'm A Saint!!

Dear Blog-

A new book (Why He's a Saint) is being published with accounts that Pope John Paul II used to whip himself with a belt and would sleep on the floor as acts of penitence.

Penitence? Do you know what I call it when I whip myself with a belt and sleep on the floor? Friday night!! And if I'm really naughty... I deprive myself of food and water... then I sleep with fat-disease-infested women. HHMMM... I guess I am a Saint!!

Your saintly pal,

jme

P. S. I wonder if the pope ever dressed up as a woman... tucked it under... and grinded up on under-age boys at a rave? I'm just sayin'... we might have more in common than I thought!!

P. P. S. What am I thinking? Of course he did... he's Catholic!!

Spring Break

Dear Blog-

I am planning my spring break vacation. Where is prostitution legal?

Your pal,

jme

Say What?

Dear Blog-

Kreese: Sweep the leg.
(Johnny stares at him in shock)
Kreese: Do you have a problem with that?
Johnny Lawrence: No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. In case you feel like dancing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlpgx4rtsKs

Things

Dear Blog-

I like things that float.

Your pal,

jme

?

Dear Blog-

Why did Marcie always call Peppermint Patty... sir? And why did Peppermint Patty refer to Charlie Brown as... Chuck? What was the deal with Linus and his blanket... and what did Sally see in him? I mean every Halloween she would follow him to the pumpkin-patch... and he never even got his jack-o-lantern on. I wonder if Schroeder ever gave Lucy a 2-fingered cul-de-sac? I mean... he did have magical fingers!! Was Franklin pissed at being a stereotype? I bet Pig-Pen fathered about 12 kids and has at least 6 STD's. HHMMM... I wonder if he's got a sister?

Your pal,

jme

Broadway

Dear Blog-

I'm writing a play. Here's a snippet for my reader...

Woody: Come on... just kiss the tip!!

Soon Yi: Okay... just put the camera down... and don't tell my mom, pappa-san.

Your pal,

jme

Warren Beatty... Spreading the Love

Dear Blog-

Apparently there is a new book coming out... a biography on Warren Beatty. Who would want to read that?? No one...not when you can still read Twilight!! Team Warren sucks!!

Anyway...this book claims that Warren Beatty has slept with 13,000 women. What does this mean? It means Warren Beatty has given 13,000 women... herpes, chlamydia, donovanosis, calymmatobacterium, granuloma inguinale, gonorrhea, lymphoganuloma venereum, syphilis, vaginitis, pubic lice, cytomegalovirus, hepatitis A/B/C, genital warts, molluscum contagiosum, nongonococcal urethritis, chancroid and athlete's foot... don't even ask about the last one!! The only known cure for WBAF is amputation... at the knee!!

God I hate you... you should go and have sex with yourself... in other words... FUCK OFF!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I'd like to look at his "black book"... but I think the youngest girl in it is 64 years old!!