This Isn't Funny... He's After Me!!

Dear Blog-

I just ate a bug. I was eating some macadamia nuts and when I ate the first one I thought, "HHMMM... these seem a little dry." Did that stop me? No! Why? Because I'm an idiot!! When I put the last handful of nuts* (insert joke here!) in my mouth** (insert another joke here) I noticed some little black bugs crawling around in my bag. DAMN YOU, SPROUTS!!

Anyway, I have a conspiracy theory on this. I know I only have 3 readers (at most)... but one of them must be Warren Beatty. I'm sure he sits at home and Googles himself all day long AND reads everything written about him!! I think he's trying to kill me!! I don't have any proof... yet... and I know this is all hearsay... but I know he has "people." (please read "Taxes" blog post for more proof).

Okay... that being said... I just want my other 2 readers to know... that if I end up "missing"... to please have Warren Beatty arrested ASAP!! I know he's watching me! In fact... I can still smell his High Karate after shave lotion in my house. Wait! That might just be the lingering hot musky scent of the tranny I picked up last night. HHMMM... it doesn't matter?!?! I know he's after me!!

Your pal,

jme