WOTW

Dear Blog-

Hi, everybody. This week's word is...

two-finger-cul-de-sac

noun

When a man inserts two fingers into a woman, and moves them round and round in a circle.


Okay... now let's use it in a sentence.

1. I wonder if Fonzie ever gave Joanie a two-finger-cul-de-sac?

2. According to the definition, a two-finger-cul-de-sac can NOT be performed on another man. HHMMM... I'm doing it right now.

3. Also... according to that definition... a woman can NOT give another woman a two-finger-cul-de-sac. (Urban Dictionary is not down with diversity!!)

4. When I was 12, I used to give girls a two-finger-cul-de-sac... then I figured out what my wiener-ma-bob was for.

5. If you get lost in the two-finger-cul-de-sac... stick your thumb out and hitch a ride.

Okay... now add this word to your everyday conversations. It's easy!

Your pal,

jme

And Counting...

Dear Blog-

I've been away for a while... so the number is now up to 27.

Your pal,

jme

Beat It vs. Propofol

Dear Blog-

It's official. Michael Jackson died of a Propofol overdose. Here's a snip from msn.com

On the morning Jackson died, Murray said he tried to induce sleep without using propofol, starting first with valium at 1:30 a.m. When he was still awake at 2 a.m., Murray injected Jackson with lorazepam, then injected him with midazolam at 3 a.m. Murray told police he administered several other drugs over the next few hours.

By 10:40 a.m., Jackson, still unable to sleep, urged Murray to give him propofol. Murray said in court documents that he administered 25 milligrams of the drug at that time, then left Jackson alone under the influence of the drug to make phone calls to his Houston office. When he returned, Jackson was not breathing.

Hey Mike!! You know what I do when I can't sleep? I rub one out!! I get my blue-ray-dvd-copy of Home Alone II, The Lost Boys, or Season 3 of Webster...and... Punch! One!! Out!!!

It's self-administered (unless you wanna call Macaulay Culkin, Corey Feldman, or Emanuel Lewis... last I checked... none of them were doctors) and the death-rate is almost 0%. Although... David Carradine or Michael Hutchence might not agree with me.

Anyway, you would still be alive Mike... but I guess you forgot how to "Beat It!!"

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I'm giving my readers... both of them... permission to masturbate... you're welcum!!

Word Of The Week

Dear Blog-

I know I haven't done a WOTW in a while... please forgive me. I hope my reader hasn't gotten less smarted. Or is it more dumber? Anyway, here's your word.

hair-fork

–noun

1. a toothed strip of plastic, hard rubber, bone, wood, or metal, used for arranging the hair, untangling it, or holding it in place.

Okay... now let's use it in a sentence.

1. When Fonzie wanted to hit on the 15 year old high school grrrls at Arnold's, he would go into his office (which was really a bathroom), and slick himself down with his hair-fork.

2. The writer of this blog doesn't have any hair, so he needs a hair-spoon. (I know that sentence doesn't have hair-fork in it, but I need to be honest with my readers. I've never lied to you... and I'm not gonna start now.)

3. I genuinely dislike people. (Again... I know that sentence doesn't have hair-fork in it... but I'm being honest.)

Okay... you know what to do now. Use this word as many times as you can for the next 6 days... and I mean REALLY use it!! Try and say it around your peers and co-workers... with a straight face. See if they judge you... and if they do... I would like to refer you back to sentence #3!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I wonder if Warren Beatty would let me use his hair-fork on his shriveled up ball-sack?

80's Icon

Dear Blog-

It looks like we won't be seeing Home Alone IV any time soon. Why? Well... I hate to break it to you... but the great John Hughes is dead.

What would the 80's have been like without Mr. Hughes? No Molly Ringwald. No Anthony Michael Hall. No Ally Sheedy. No Duckie... I mean Jon Cryer.

I say John Hughes was to the 80's... what Kurt Cobain was to the 90's... and what Hannah Montana is to the 00's. With that logic and math all rolled into one... Hannah Montana should be dead within 6 months.

Anyway, if you haven't seen Vacation, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Dan Quayle's favorite movie), Some Kind of Wonderful, or Planes Trains & Automobiles... well... then you're just some kind of elitist asshole and I don't want you reading my blog.

Your pal,

jme

P.S. You know why Warren Beatty sucks so much? Because he never worked with John Hughes!! Seriously... can you picture him as Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off?!?!?

Vibe

Dear Blog-

It looks like Vibe magazine is going out of business. Maybe that's because the people that read Vibe magazine... CAN'T ACTUALLY READ!!

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Warren Beatty must die!!