Word Of The Week

Dear Blog-

This week's WOTW is:
di·ver·si·ty (dih-vur-si-tee) n.

1.	the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.

2.	variety; multiformity.

3.	a point of difference.

Okay... wait a minute? #1 has me confused!! The state or fact of being diverse? Did they just define the word with the same word? Let's assume I don't know what the word diversity means. They're gonna just take off the ity and add an e and THAT'S gonna learn me?!?! Huh?

I find the ability to give me clarity in the word diversity has made me lose my dignity and voided the duality of my jollity and joviality, but my curiosity and depravity for the absurdity, monstrosity and tensity for the crudity definition of the word diversity makes me want to get electricity and run it through my chastity... WAIT!! Let's just use it in a fucking sentence.

I saw someone with a chastity belt on today... as I was marching (YES, MARCHING...NOT WALKING AND WAVING!!) at the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade... because I like to support people with diversity.

Yes... that includes EVERYONE!! Even Warren Beatty. For one day out of the year... I will have nothing but good thoughts for the worst actor in movie history. Nothing but happy thoughts... for that slime ball. Nothing but positive things to say about that fucking asshole. Are you listening Warren? Because your day is almost up... you old, dried up, talentless fuck!! Nothing but... aw, fuck it... you're still an asshole.

Your pal,

jme

I Might Have A Boy-Crush On Johnny Depp

Dear Blog-

I watched The Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy this weekend. I was half-way through the third one when I realized... I was watching telemundo. That Johnny Depp is sexxxy no matter what language he's speaking. I might watch me some Chocolat tonight.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. Warren Beatty sucks!!

Big Phoney

Dear Blog-

Last week I had lunch with Jilligan and Nicole. Nicole used the word mustache 3 times more than Jilligan. Example...

Nicole:
I wish my husband had a mustache.
Your mustache looks like fun.
How much did you say mustache rides were? Jill, can I borrow 25 cents?

Jilligan:
Your mustache makes you look stupid.

Therefore, I was going to declare Nicole the winner of the Word of the Week. Unfortunately, I had lunch with the two girlies again today and this week's Word of the Week patricide was not used once...and trust me...there were plenty of opportunities.

Anyway, Nicole may have done a little ass kissing last week to be the WOTW champion...but she blew it this week.

Your pal,

jme

P.S. Does Warren Beatty have any kids?

Word of the Week

Dear Blog-

The word of the week is:

pat·ri·cide (pāt'rĭ-sīd') n.

1. The act of murdering one's father.
2. One who murders one's father.

That's right... patricide!! For those of you who spent Father's Day with their father... you know exactly what I'm talking about! I had a 58 second conversation with my father on the phone today and patricide is all I could think about.

Okay... let's use it in a sentence.

I did not commit patricide today, because I didn't want to fuck up my mustache . (That one is worth two points).

According to Freud... if I commit patricide I would also need to rape my mother. (Please see Oedipus complex).

I can think of 8 reasons why patricide should be legal.

Okay... you know the drill. Use this word throughout the week... but don't do it... I have to say that last part for legal reasons.

Your pal,

jme

I Need A New Safe Word!

Dear Blog-

Apparently... "FUCK ME HARDER!!" isn't a good safe word. Trust me on this. I don't know what to do? I've tried a bunch... but none of them seem to work. Or they work too well... because the cops keep showing up... or I wake up in the ER.

Here's a list of some "safe words" I've used in the past:

1. Fuck me like a 12 year old Vietnamese boy!
2. Yes... you can put that there!
3. Yes... you can beat me up!
4. I didn't say you could stop!
5. Call some friends with STD's and invite them over!
6. Use the pepper-spray!
7. Don't stop! Don't stop!
8. Put your cigarette out on my eye-lids!
9. One finger? Try the whole fist!
10. Don't worry... it will grow back!! (BTW... it does... but only after a 16 hour "procedure" with a perfect donor. Thank you Jamaal. RIP).

Anyway, I need your help. Does anyone have a better safe word for me? And before I get another hate letter from Mr. Anonymous telling me these aren't "words," they're... sentences/phrases/idioms/metaphors/similes or whatever... just remember what the objective is. I'm asking you... my reader... for help. Please share your "safe word/s" with me... so I don't have to spend another 16 hours in the ER.

Your pal,

jme

Word of the Week

Dear Blog-

Today's word of the week (or phrase, you pansy-ass anonymous tool!!) is:

mus⋅tache [muhs-tash, muh-stash]

–noun

1.	the hair growing on the upper lip

2.	such hair on men, allowed to grow without shaving, and often trimmed in any of various shapes.

Okay... now let's use it in a phrase.

Soft brown mustache
Curly red mustache

OKAY... NOW LET'S USE IT IN A FUCKING SENTENCE!!!

The writer of this blog has a mustache.

Jose likes my mustache.

Salvador Dali had the coolest mustache ever.

I once kissed an Italian grrrl who had a mustache... or better yet... I have yet to kiss an Italian grrrl who didn't have a mustache.

My mustache comb is brown.

Who wants to take a mustache ride? That's an interrogative sentence for all of you first-timers out there!!

Even a mustache couldn't make Warren Beatty cool.

The editor of this blog has a friend who wants to phuck me. I know that last sentence doesn't have mustache in it... but I just like saying it...

Okay... after all the hate-mail that I received last week... I now know that I have at least 2 readers. So remember... try to use this word as often as you can this week. Or better yet "do it." (Please see last week's word for more details).

That's right... I'm declaring June 15-21 National Grow A Mustache Week!! Ladies... don't act like you can't do this. This will be fun. WHEE!!

Your pal,

jme

HHMMM...

Dear Blog-

I think I'm starting to get this Zac Efron thing.

Your pal,

jme

Shit...

Dear Blog-

I have one of those Spaceface accounts. Guess who else does? My mom!! She asked to be my friend. I ignored her. I sense a storm a comin'.

Your pal,

jme

Best Movie Ever!!

Dear Blog-

I know sequels are rarely better then the original movie... BUT... Crank II might be the best movie of all time!! Way better than the original!! Don't bother renting it on dvd, just buy it!! When they make Crank III... it will go down in movie history as the 2nd greatest trilogy of all-time!! The High School Musical Trilogy is (of course) #1!!

Your pal,

jme

And Counting...

Dear Blog-

The number is now up to 17. Yep... I had a busy weekend.

Your pal,

jme

Word of the Week

Dear Blog-

Today's Word of the Week is:

Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation [aw-toh] [i-rot-ik] [as phyx`i a"tion]

–noun

asphyxia caused by intentionally strangling oneself while masturbating in order to intensify the orgasm through reduced oxygen flow to the brain.

Okay... now let's use it in a sentence.

You must be careful when you practice auto-erotic asphyxiation... or you will end up like David Carradine or Michael Hutchence.

Your pal,

jme

P. S. I wish Warren Beatty practiced auto-erotic asphyxiation!!

?

Dear Blog-

Guess what I bought today? A mustache comb!!

Your pal,

jme

And Counting...

Dear Blog-

The number is up to 12.

Your pal,

jme

Word of the Week

Dear Blog-

I feel a certain responsibility to give back to my reader/s. Therefore... on Mondays... I will start posting a "Word Of The Week." It will then be up to the reader/s to try to use (or do) this word as often as they can in that given week... until they are fluent in it. All of these words will be English words, but they might be words my reader/s have never heard of before. So it's kinda like learning a new language. Like Portuguese!

Okay... let's get started! The word of the week is: lu·bri·cant [loo-bri-kuhnt] n.

1. A substance, such as grease or oil, that reduces friction when applied as a surface coating to moving parts.
2. One that helps reduce difficulty or conflict.

Okay... now let's use it in a sentence:

I like to use my tongue as a lubricant.

Okay... now it's up to you... my reader/s. See how many times you can use (or do) this word throughout the week.

I'll be waiting for your feedback...

Your pal,

jme